I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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