Betty ford says i'm here all night
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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