and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
