Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
