My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
