the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
