He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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