when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
