Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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