I wish I could punch you in the face.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
