last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
