The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
