I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
