The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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