I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
