I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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