Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
