and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
