Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize