Will you blow on my dice?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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