Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
