I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
