There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well you can't waste a boner
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
