is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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