I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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