She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
