you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
