Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize