at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
