Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
