I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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