every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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