I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
