Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
