she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
