Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
