just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
