is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
