He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
