If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Maybe he injected his testicle?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
