How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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