I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
