I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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