I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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