these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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