I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
