thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
