Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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