Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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