There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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