hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
