If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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