Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
