Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
