Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
