what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
