You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this just has baby written all over it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
