so that wasnt chicken after all
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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